Demented
by fakeditfromthewordgo
Summary: Welcome to Fang's Blog. 20th December - All I Want For Christmas Is... Man Points.   Just a little bit of Christmas-y Fax fluff. One-shot.


**Welcome to Fang's blog. Hits: 663,289****

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****20th December**

**All I want for Christmas is... Man Points**

Yo,

'Sup?

To state the obvious, it's real near Christmas - we've been settled with Valencia and Ella for what, six months now? Yeah. Wow. Guess it's gone kinda fast.

June - Max tried to play the Good Samaritan (and scared the crap out of those twits bullying Ella), and we ended up here, 'cause _someone_'s a little addicted to chocolate chip cookies (cue that someone screaming at 'DOUBLE chocolate chip, retard! Get it right.').

July - Valencia decided we needed to start going to school (note the lower-case 's' there). Not sure what sparked that one off. Maybe when Ig spent one-hundred dollars on premium TV (he's blind. Duh. That's what happens when you leave a bored fifteen year-old in the house...). Or when Gazzy read 'The bus is grey' as 'The window is gay.' (At least he got like two words right. It's an improvement. And gay and grey look similar. Three letters are the same - I'm counting that as a success... sadly, Valencia didn't seem to see it the same way). Okay, so maybe we weren't _smart_, but we were clever. Nudge could make a donkey commit suicide (before she talked it's hind legs off); Gazzy could clear a room in three seconds flat; Angel... well, Angel was _smart_; Ig could build a nuclear bomb (one exploded in our bedroom); I could... what can I do? Comment if you want to. Max... well, she's useless. I joke, I joke; she can boss everyone about, I guess.

August - Max started dating that kid Sam, and I tried not to beat the shit out of him... neither of the aforementioned ended well.

September - Lissa Brown kissed me, I kissed her back (...no comment. I wrote like... a whole novel on here about it. Go find it in the archives), Max didn't talk to me for a couple of weeks. Nudge discovered Justin Bieber: we all wished we were deaf. Ig asked Ella out: she said yes.

October - Halloween happened. Gaz thought it'd be hilarious to dress up as a girl, and say he was me. Naturally, Ig went as some Pokemon thing (Peekatyou? Is that how you spell it? Dude, he's such a pervert); Angel went, ironically, as a devil; Nudge went as Total (Angel's dog Max and I got her for her birthday. Keep up, dude, old news), and both Max and I went as the responsible adults, since (according to Max), we couldn't trust Valencia to do it, as she was the one who suggested the whole trick-or-treating business. You know what Max is like with strangers.

November - Kissed Max. She ran off. Kissed her again. She ran off. Then she kissed me, before explaining that she didn't want a boyfriend (she didn't need to add _'if it's you.'_ I knew exactly what she meant), and asked if we could just stay as we were... friends. Siblings.

Thing is, as you guys know, I've been kind of crazy since that whole episode - crazy for Max, that is. I dunno what it is about her: she's a bossy, ass-kicking, strict, loud, jumpy, overly-cautious mutant. Eh. Who said my taste was conventional? Whatever it is she does, she kind of drives me insane. In a non-emotional way.

Can I be poetic? For like, a few sentences? I swear, I'll totally go kill some zombies in Call of Duty after this to earn some man points back. I swear it on Sean Smith's life (do I get a point just for mentioning the lead singer of The Blackout?).

When we kiss, it's like everything around us... sparks. Hear me out. Like... I don't even know how to explain it, but when she moves back, and her eyes are all big and startled, I can hardly speak (not that I do anyway). It feels like... like the world's going to explode. Like I'm about to burst into brightness. You know?

God, I'm not interested. I don't have a crush on her. I don't really like her. Hell, I'm not even in love with her! I'm _demented._

...So, the whole point of this blog... which got kinda embarrassingly off-track... what the hell do I get her for Christmas? I've already got everyone else something.

Angel - Private, by James Patterson. Call me crazy for getting the kid a thriller written for adults, but Ange _devours _JP. She freaking adores the guy, to the point where she even refers to him as Jimmy P, like he's an old friend, or something. **CHECK.**

Gazzy - pack of twenty stink bombs. Not so he can plant them, or whatever (kid doesn't need any help with smellin' up a room, lemme tell you) - recently he's been getting stink bombs, or something equally disgusting (read as: hilarious), and dissecting them. When Max demanded what in fresh hell was going on, he told her that he was merely researching as to improve the effectiveness of his farting abilities. Charming, huh? **CHECK.**

Nudge - Justin Bieber's autobiography. I've made an extra-special effort _not_ to scribble over the whole thing (with Max's help, naturally), too, so she better be pleased. Otherwise I'll give her the first copy I bought. Let's just say he ain't a pretty boy no more. **CHECK.**

Iggy - Framing Hanley CD. Since the dude's blind, he listens to a load of music, to make up for no sight, if you know what I mean. Sometimes it's terrible, but sometimes it's pretty decent stuff - Good Charlotte, My Chemical Romance, Muse, Mayday Parade - and he loves FH, so I figured I'd stay safe. **CHECK.**

Ella - bath stuff. She spends long enough in there already, but at least she'll be happy, I guess. **CHECK CHECK.**

Valencia - chocolates. Not a clue which kind, but you just can't go wrong with a load of sugar, right? **CHECK.**

But Max... zilch. Nada. Nothing. Nil. I mean, I've tried - you should see the piece of paper that I was, uh, planning on. She's so damn _difficult._

Jewellery? **AS IF.**

Chocolate? Always a winner, but... it just seems so damn stereotypical - you know, chocolate and flowers from a guy. I don't want to become another Sam, the 'perfect' boyfriend. I swear, the tit never dared disagree with Max... and sure, you do _not_ want to upset that girl, but isn't arguing half the fun? Making up's gotta be pretty damn fun, too. **MUM-ISH.**

Flowers? **CHEAP.**

Movies? Books? Music? So... materialistic. I want to get her something that's gonna make her smile, you know? Something... personal. **LAME.**

I mean, I've spent practically my whole life at this girl's side, her best friend, and if I don't know her by now, who does? I'm... I'm totally demented. Crazy. Clinically insane. All I want to do is make her smile - that half-smirk steals heartbeats, you know. She's... different. You get me?

God, I need to spend more time on Call of Duty. Or watching horror films. Or... playing football. Or beating Erasers up. Anything but sitting here acting like a lovesick idiot. I need to earn some man points back, God help me.

So... come through for me, guys. I need your ideas. Like, desperately.

Give a demented mutant birdkid a break? Thanks. You're alright, you guys.

Off to shoot some heads off. Honest.

Until next time (unless Max has one of her moments, demands we go save the world again, we get involved in some plan involving the House of Parliament being blown up in a sick tribute to Guy Fawkes, and I get shot 'cos I hide my face behind a fringe... but hey, what's the likelihood of that?), guys.

Fly on,

Fang.

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Sighing, I post my blog, flip the laptop shut, and slowly recline back on my bed, folding my arms behind my head to prop it up slightly.

God. I don't even know what's going on in my own head at the moment. Recapping the last six months in the blog... damn, it's gone so damn quick. It kind of feels like this is the first time I've really sat back and... well, smelt the coffee. Picked a couple of roses. Stroked a couple of dogs. Pushed a little kid on a swing. Watched the clouds float by. Count the stars. You know?

Half of me kind of wants Max to realise that I'm kind of insane when it comes to her. But the rest of me just wants us to stay close, and I don't want her to freak out (again), and end up being pushed away.

It's not like I don't understand what's going on in her mind - the flock comes first, and the whole world-saving business. This whole rest/break thing we've got going on here with El and Valencia is awesome, but it's not _us. _Max keeps taking midnight flights, and not returning till God knows what hour, and the kids are getting restless - they aren't allowed to do half of the normal stuff at school, in case they, you know, give away the whole _mutant 2% bird _thing (nothing serious). Angel can't do dance classes, and Gaz and Ig are forbidden from extra science, since that's kinda their thing.

It's all so damn complicated.

But... I'm kind of happy, right now.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not about to start saying more than five words at once, or anything drastic like that (I'm joking, obviously. I'm the chattiest person I know), but... it's nice, being part of, like, a real family, with El and Valencia.

And it's nearly Christmas. Who _can't_ be happy at Christmas-time? It's like... the jolliest time of the year. Downstairs, Ange, Gaz and Nudge are decorating the Christmas tree, while Iggy and Ella are off on a date, involving snowball fights, and curling up in a little coffee shop somewhere. Cute. God knows where Max is. Outside, it's all winter wonderland - inches of snow, patches of fatal ice, and a whole lot of _freezing cold_. Just how we like it.

I push myself up into a sitting position, brushing my hair out of my eyes slightly. No point in lying here trying to think things through - I'll just get a severe headache.

In the end, I decide to go for a fly: I scribble a quick note (_Gone flying. Back soon. Fang_) and leave it on the bed, in case anyone thinks to come looking for me (unlikely), and throw myself out of the window. I catch a quick updraught of wind, which sends me spiralling up into the moody skies. Little flecks of snow hover around me, slowly sinking down.

I fly straight through them, picking up speed easily - nowhere near insane Max speed, but fast.

The cold intensifies, but it feels good, the icy cold fingers burning into my skin.

Everything's focused sharply, every last icicle of snow, but, for once, I can't think. It's totally refreshing and disorienting all at once, and I'm revelling in my own pure confusion.

I almost miss the angel girl zooming towards me at the speed of light - _almost._ How could I miss Max, though?

Slowing to a stop, I don't have to wait long before she's in front of me, close. Close enough that I can feel her breath against my cheek. She's looking up at me with those big brown eyes, her hair a complete mess. The sharpened focus the cold offers hasn't disappeared, and from here I can see every little scar. Every little imperfection. The way her bottom lip is just a tiny bit too big for her top one. How there's a scar right in the middle of cheek, hardly visible.

I guess it's a sign of just how demented I really am that my breath was completely taken away. All her flaws... they pretty much made her perfect.

Then she smiles, and it's like my head goes into overdrive. _Breathe, Fang. It's just Max, after all. _But it isn't just Max, it's the girl who drains the colours of the sky and wears them in a parade of violence and flaws, who makes me feel like I'm about to burst into brightness.

God. What the hell's wrong with me?

"You lied," is all she says, the smile still tugging at the corners of her mouth. I raise my eyebrows quizzically, amazed at the concentration that one small gesture takes. "You said you were gonna go play Call of Duty. To earn your man points back."

Before I can kill myself, she's kissing me, and I can't think properly, because it's _Max._ Somewhere in the world, right now, a kid just fell over; a couple just got married; someone just laughed; a baby was born, and snowflakes are falling down all around us. But right now, in this exact moment, it's like nothing could ever be wrong with the world.

She pulls back, and I feel that complete deliriousness, like I always do after kissing Max. For the first time, I know she feels it too.

"Forget the Christmas present," she says, and I smile. "Let's make the whole freaking world explode."

**A/N: So I wasn't too sure about posting this, but in the end, it was just 'Well, I've written it, so might as well do something with it.' Hope you liked it! Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas [or, if you're supermegafoxyawesomehot and watch TheWillOfDC on YouTube, happy santa day!]. I hope you all have an amazing New Year! *makes heart shape***

**Disclaimer: I'm no genius. **

**Review?**


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